Sword & Spoken Word

Brother Bartram's Call to Righteousness, Special Edition

After months of cancellations and reschedulings, our petitions were ignored, and the Scurrilous Heretic Lord Harlan Autumnhall was permitted to cavort under the eyes of the good people of Hive Tarsus and of the God Emperor Himself, reveling in his temporary victory.

But despair not, brothers! The justice of the Holy God Emperor will always come to pass. Our Faith may be tested by this trial, but we shall continue to fight the good fight and we shall prevail!

For your humble servant has gathered, from this blasphemous event, new evidence of fresh crimes against decency, morality, and the Holy God Emperor. Yes, your humble brother and faithful servant of the Holy God Emperor did risk his very soul to serve the cause of righteousness, and attended this wicked gathering himself, in the guise of a servant.

Fear not, your brother will scourge himself free of sin in a holy penance for having stood in proximity to such evil without cleansing it with fire.

But in addition to his past wickednesses, the Heretic Harlan Autumnhall is now guilty in that he:

- Did give at his inauguration a most wicked speech, scoffing at the virtues of decency, morality, chastity, and honor, even as he most blasphemously claimed to serve the God Emperor, whose holy name should not ever be blackened by the unclean tongue of such a sinner.

- Did conspire with other lewd and wanton individuals among the idle rich to commit the sin of dancing, which promotes lasciviousness and occasions lewd and unchaste desires.

- Did serve to his guests intoxicating drugs and liqueurs, which tempt men to revel in enjoyment of their own lives, rather than in service to the God Emperor.

- Did place on the display the bones of vile tyranids, secretly for the purpose of worshiping them, while covering his sin by claiming slain as war trophies, slain with his own hand. (A transparent lie… they are both enemies of the Emperor, and therefore allies to each other.)

- Did openly consort with the unclean xenos, in the corrupt and polluted form of two “tau representatives”, which were not only suffered to attend the inaugural reception, but actually welcomed as “honored guests”!

- Did in some vile fashion, not yet clear to your servant, force the representative of the Most Holy Inquisition, and his ally, a pious and sacred knight of the most righteous Adeptus Astartes, to act as escorts and protectors for these xenos abominations, rather than striking them down on the spot with righteous fury for their sin of existing in the Emperor’s universe.

- Did wickedly promote and engage in all manner of sinful revels, unpious celebration, and other enjoyments which make men unmindful of their duty to the God Emperor.

- Did incite his crude and brutal servants to cast your brother out as an “impostor”, thereby not only obstructing him from his righteous duties in gathering intelligence on the enemies of The Most Holy Master of Mankind, but also inflicting painful and unrighteous bruises upon his nether parts.

No, good brothers and sisters, your friend Brother Bartram is no imposter. It is the vile Harlan Autumnhall who is the imposter, posing as a servant of the Emperor, when in reality he is the vilest of selfish sinners, possibly an unclean sorceror and worshipper of xenos abominations and the Ruinous Powers themselves, who listens to dark and evil whispers from the Warp!

And on the day when the righteous cast this villain down, Brother Bartram shall be there, to call due an account for these crimes, and for the most unnecessary bruising of his hindmost parts.


Shall I have this one sorted out, my lord?
- Ulrich Malmstein

Certainly not. Silencing lunatics just draws attention to them. If we ever need to get rid of him, we’ll have servants leak even more ridiculous accusations for him to print, and let him get laughed off Hive Tarsus.



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