Giant List O Malmsteen's Gripes

Gripe #1

Logistical Note {Factotum Malmsteen, Ulrich}

My Lords and Ladies,

I shall ensure that my staff vigilantly maintains a thorough record of all of the above-suggested nomenclatures for the holdings of the Autumnhall fleet. A diverse and accurate record will be of tantamount importance to the success of any and all future endeavours, whatever their nature.

With that in mind, I am humbly and inexorably duty-bound to remind you, my Lords and Ladies, that the Verbal Morality Statute passed in 346.M40 for the worlds of the Golgenna Reach demands strict standards of linguistic conduct for all citizens of His Holy Imperium. As such, observing the practice of artful double entendre will be of tantamount importance to the success of any and all future embarkations, whatever their nature.

Acknowledging both my modest aptitude in all things creative and your evident penchant for…colourful elucidation, I leave the precise designations of fleet craft to your abundant imaginations; with, for the sake of our litigators, the aforementioned caveat in mind.

U.M.

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Ulrich, have you been reading my mail again? Don’t let Barabus find out. None of us (especially you) wants a repeat of what happened last time.

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Sir, I am paid to read your mail.

And Effector Vehnk is paid to sodomize transgressors with dinnerware.

As your factotum, I am much too modest to suspect that this professional quandary might actually exist according to some facetious design.

I suppose some things haven’t changed.

U.M.

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Not my personal mail. Frankly, if you’ve been reading my mail from Lady Elizabeth Blackley, then it’s a wonder the Verbal Morality Statute hasn’t actually exploded and killed three or four scribes.

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Giant List O Malmsteen's Gripes

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